Saturday, 10 May 2014

Letting go

I feel a bit emotional writing this.

It's no secret that my journey of breastfeeding has been a long struggle! Bee is now 6 months old and has not fed from the breast for over a month, I did however keep pumping day and night but have only been getting an ounce out PER DAY!

This wracks me with guilt, it's all personal issues I know. I have a super healthy, chunky boy who is very happy on formula and the tiny bit of milk I was producing but I just couldn't bring myself to stop. He is my last baby and I think that stopping pumping and letting my milk dry up has been emotionally a brick wall, but now I feel it's the right time to 'let go'.

Bee does receive some donor breastmilk from a couple of friends and I'm incredibly grateful but sad I couldn't do more for him but he will receive donor milk for as long as I am gifted it for him. He is mostly formula fed, and of course we have just started weaning into solids!

I don't know why I'm writing this, I guess it's just so I can allow myself to stop and that it's ok - of course it is! It's just an irrational feeling not allowing myself to stop.

Rocket only had minimal milk up til 5 weeks old so at the same time of feeling bad that I only got to 6 months, it's also a massive achievement and I'm proud to say that even though it's only been an ounce a day for a good 2 months, I still did it, I reached my goal.

So there it is, the end of our breastfeeding journey together. I've really enjoyed every second, even through the struggles.

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