Wednesday, 4 June 2014

The day you died

Today has been a whirlwind of emotion. Yesterday you were ok, today you are no longer here. We have known for a long while that you were poorly and could get an infection at anytime but as you've proved us wrong so many times before we didn't think much of it!

Back in October and November I didn't think you would meet your newest great grandchild and that hurt my heart so much. You asked me every time you saw me when the baby was going to be born (even though I was only 33 weeks!) and the baby must have known he was needed as he evacuated himself at exactly 3 weeks early. 
You wernt able to see him though as you were stuck on a ward full of infections - I cried and cried (I may have scared the nurses on duty a bit!).
Photos had to do until bee was 5-6 weeks old when we were able to bring him to you and it was the most incredible few hours! Your face lit up as you held your new great grandchild and fed him his milk. It was a sight we never thought we would see and you were so proud.

Then you became poorly once more and we were told you weren't going to make it and the rollercoaster of emotions just kept on going. We fought hard to get you moved out of the hospital into a home where you could see people freely outside of a 1 hour visiting time but most importantly you could spend time with my boys.

You were discharged from hospital with palliative care, fast tracked to a home literally 2 minutes from mums house - being so close was a blessing but we thought (we were told) we only had a week or two - so we crammed in visits!

As the time went by you got stronger, you started eating again and eventually you were sitting in the lounge daily watching television and showing off your photos to the nurses! Everybody adored you, it was hard not too - you were so cheeky, kind and loveable!

Rocket came to see you on his birthday and you and another gentleman sang him happy birthday, it was a happy day.

Bee grew larger and larger, you struggled to hold him as he was so squirmy but you never gave up and always jumped at the chance for a cuddle - in return he gave you beautiful gummy smiles back!

These last few weeks you've been poorly with a cold but we didn't think much of it. I last bought Bee to see you last week, he fell asleep in your arms and we had a lovely chat and giggled at the lady across from us shouting silly things. We laughed at the fact I'd accidentally given Bee your home made Roast Lamb dinner mum had saved (it's ok, he enjoyed it ;-) )

What we weren't expecting was for a phone call to tell us how poorly you'd gotten over night. We all raced to be with you and as hard as you found it being so poorly, you still let us know you were there and we were around you to the very end.

I hope you knew how much you meant to me, to all of us! You have done so much for us all and you are so special. Il always feel blessed that you got to meet Bee and hug him - 7 months more than you should have! That's amazing!

I think you'd want us to be happy now, you are safe and at peace and now I have to look after mum and I promise I will. 

You will forever be in our hearts. Sleep well Grandma xxx


  1. This made me cry lovely. I am sorry to hear about your Grandma, I have watched you post beautiful photos of her over the last few months. I am exceptionally close to mine and I know I too will be heartbroken. Thinking of you all. X

    1. Thanks Katie. I loved sharing her journey with my friends and she knew how much everyone on Instagram cared about her even though they'd never met her! Big hugs and I hope you get many more years with your Grandma, give her a big squidge xxx

  2. My Grandmother passed a month ago...and I so wished I would have snapped a pic of our hands..I held hers all sorry for your loss.

    1. Thankyou Nicole, I'm sorry for your loss too. Big hugs and thankyou for your comment xx

  3. So sorry for you Laura. I know how numb you must be now. Sending all my love Eve xxx

    1. Thanks Eve, we are pretty numb but she is at rest now. Its been such a tough few years for her and she had been through so much. We were incredibly blessed to be by her side xxx

  4. I've only just seen this, I am so so sorry for your loss xx